Tuesday, 26 August 2014

Life isn't perfect

I have realised that life is never going to be anyone's version of perfect. Recently, there has been a lot of stuff going on in my life which has led me to make this post. A couple of weeks ago my beautiful  cat died at just seven years old, after being hit by an idiot in a car. I still haven't quite got over this, as she was like my best friend who stayed with me all night if I was scared of the dark and knew when I was upset and would give me cuddles to make me feel better. It's a sad world without a cat, and now I feel a strange anger towards my fish who just never seem to die. In the same week that my cat died, I also got pretty awful AS Level results, and I'm having to resit an exam in two subjects if I want an amazing grade by the end of next year. 

I also have some good things happening in my life, like my part time job that I've just started and I love, as it allows me to have fun at work and earn my own money for the first time ever. I also have tickets to a Miranda Sings show with Kendal in November, and I just know it's going to be one of the funniest nights of my life. My parents are putting in extra effort to help me through the sadness I've been through even though it's been so tough on them as well, and I'm grateful. But the point is, the good things don't always balance out the bad things.

I'm usually a very positive person and I love learning, but lately it's been hard to find a reason for looking after myself. My AS results just broke me, and I've had a few hysterical sobbing sessions shouting at my mother and telling her how much I don't want to go back to school in September. I even had two exams remarked and they came back with the same grade as before, which has put me in an especially bad mood. I still kind of feel like the outsider in my job and I'm feeling quite lonely, and as a result of this I've been seeping back into a very sad phase, and I've constantly been stressed out. Sometimes people have to remember that just because there are positive things in someone's life, it doesn't mean that person is taking any notice of them. Sometimes all you can see is the bad things and your mind blanks out the good things because you think you don't deserve them, or that they don't matter. This is what I feel like right now.

I've had a ton of homework to do over the summer and I still haven't finished, so you can safely say my summer holiday hasn't been relaxing in the slightest. I'm still working on the bad stuff, so if you can excuse the blog not being consistent just for a little bit longer, I would really appreciate it.

I'm looking forward to Miranda in November, though. 

I still have lots to put on the blog - many book hauls, reviews and such. 

I hope you're all doing well. If you ever need to talk about stuff, let's talk about it together. I feel alone but I know I'm not, and I suppose that's all that is keeping me going right now. 

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