So on September 2nd, I started at Sixth Form studying Maths with Mechanics, Physics, Psychology and Philosophy and Ethics.
I went to that sixth form for around 2 weeks and, i'm not going to go into too much detail but the school wasn't right for me and whilst it may have advertised good results and x,y,z it just didn't feel right.
I changed school (to make this less confusing, without naming names, the first school i went too shall be 'A' and the second 'B') and school B is, conveniently, a lot closer to me and i feel it is the better choice for me. I had actually wanted to go to school B up until year 11 when i changed my mind to school A.
The only issue was with starting at school B is that they were already quite far ahead in maths whilst i had only just started waking up from summer. It also didn't help that the first lesson i had was a test where i scored a whopping 5%. Good going Kendal- great first impression you made there.
Since then i had real doubts about maths and how well i could actually hope to do. Like, let's be honestly maths is HARD and this was, what, week 3?
Today I had a surprise retest and i did improve but i still 'only' got 41% on a test that what would probably be described as half a step up from GCSE. This, needless to say, made me feel pretty shit because i really tried to give it 110% in that retest but i still didn't meet the mark and since today was the last day for subject changes that mark kind of made the decision for me. which sucks.
Call me a nerd but i really liked maths and it really hurts that i'm having to drop it simply because i have no idea how to do it. but that's the
education system world we live in. I loved maths at GCSE but i think the 'jump' from GCSE to A level was more a leap over the grand canyon, for me. Or maybe I'm just being a pessimist- who knows.
BUT LET US NOT DWELL ON MY SHORTCOMING
So with maths out of the picture, i had to choose something else to take. I chose Drama and Theatre studies (quite the opposite, i know) but, throughout high school, i went to a drama group and honestly loved it and have some of the best memories of my life from there.
I don't know if it's going to lead anywhere but i'm 99% certain that i will have more fun in drama than I, personally, ever could in maths.
If you have stubbled upon this somehow and think i've made the wrong choice then cool. maybe i have or maybe maths and me weren't meant to be. Life goes on and the world keeps turning. If it turns out that i want to maths-it-up later in life then awesome, why not? It'll mean i can do it in my own time whilst making sure i understand everything and i won't be able to compare myself to anyone and make myself feel small. Maybe i'll never do maths again and become some stage performer or therapist or philosopher. i don't know. The point that i'm trying to make is that, even though i've stopped doing maths, it isn't the end of everything i've ever wanted or worked for (you can tell i'm writing for myself, can't you) and, as long as i'm happy with what i'm doing and i think it's the best choice for me then that's all i really want.