Friday, 14 July 2017

Riding the Wave of Procrastination

So, as you will have seen the past few months, I have not been blogging an awful lot.

And sure, I've been busy with university work and my actual job and musical theatre on the side.

But there is something else always lurking in the shadows...


This has become a bit of a dirty word. Either it makes people believe that you are lazy and do not have the ability to stick to anything, or it is a word that gets thrown around by "the kids these days" to make them seem cool and relatable. But my procrastination comes from kind of a darker root.

Up until I was 16 years old, I was meticulous with everything I did in my life. I spent hours on pieces of homework that really didn't require it, I would study for exams way longer than I needed to, and I would pretty much make myself ill with the worry of being perfect. My GCSE's took all of that energy out of me, and by the time I had finished my A-Levels and left school altogether, I was burned out.

This is a real thing that happens to people. These days, there is so much pressure to be perfect and achieve the highest grades or be better than everyone else in your life that your body literally shuts down. It only takes so much and then its hasta la vista, motivation! 

And that is what happened to me. At 16, I was juggling school, dance lessons, my book blog, choirs, orchestras (yes, several), musical theatre, and even a volunteering position with kids. This is too much for a young person to handle! (Or anyone of any age.)

I'm 20 now, and my motivation still hasn't fully returned. I'm not dealing with as many things these days, and some of the pressure is off, but I procrastinate a hell of a lot. I make plans and end up doing something completely different, because the thought of doing the thing that I planned to do can be too overwhelming. Sometimes, its easier to watch youtube videos for 8 hours and shut your mind off. 

Fortunately, I am getting better, but its been a slow process. Today, I decided to reply to all of my outstanding emails, update my bookstagram, and write a couple of blog posts. And I did it! This is a big achievement for me even if it doesn't feel like it. When my body shut down, I developed severe anxiety and depression, so feeling motivated is a rare and beautiful thing. Having the ability to stop procrastinating is a major accomplishment.

So what is the point of this post? Its actually kind of a PSA and apology. I'm sorry for not being as active as I used to be, but my body is healing, and life is always getting better. And for anyone who is experiencing the same as me or have not heard of it, here is an information page:

I'll leave you with a song to brighten your day.

See you soon (hopefully)!

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